This is just a new beginning. A fresh start. A brand new dream. A sharing of inspiration. A release of jumbled up emotions. And all through a little thing called Tumblr.
I am Lauren, but I am called Violet as well. I hope you enjoy my posts... and as promised, all will be in purple.
My stomach literally churns when I see some of the things posted on my FB, on the media, or what actually comes out of people’s mouths. I have never had so much rage and hatred for people until these last few years, yet, I could never hurt someone’s feelings, and somehow end up being one of the most empathetic and friendly of people (I’m not bragging, really, I couldn’t be nasty to someone unless provoked harshly and if I really, really tried and if I planned it out… not a quick tongue here). In fact, one major change in my life is I’ve decided to take on more of a universal outlook on people, spirituality and our world, which allows you to see God in a different perspective as well as love the good in people so much more than hating the bad. Sometimes I still struggle with that, though. It seems to me people hardly ever recognize the results of our words and actions, or if they really care. If I had a nickel for every time I wanted to use the “I don’t want to live on this planet anymore” meme, I’d have paid my student loans in full and then some.
Sometimes I just really want to hide out in the mountains and become a nun/monk, be totally detached from society and people because I am so disturbed and disgusted. I live in Atlanta, and I swear I’ve never lived in an area with so many close-minded, hypocritical, shallow, selfish and superficial people in my life. I’ve lived in a couple of other states, so I can compare. The road rage, the racisism, the lack of integrity in businesses, churches, Christian school/any Christian affair I’ve seen thus far, social cliques, ect. People are so incredibly ignorant and it blows my mind. Uh, hello, there’s billions of other people on this planet who aren’t just you. But the whole world is becoming like this unfortunately; we’re gradually getting to a state of “me, myself and I”, and it’s encouraged, and even odd if someone is not living that way as well as it’s unusual if someone is philanthropic. I see people’s response to an act of goodwill the same way we see a cute puppy in a petstore through the glass, “Aw, isn’t that so cute, a bit too expensive for me, but I’ll put this on my instagram- selfie!” Admire and move on. It’s always, “Aw, that’s nice- but ew, look what she’s wearing/they’re so weird/I hate them/I need more of this/make me feel better” ect ect ect…. back to your old selfish ways: blaming, judging, criticising and gossiping. Petty, shallow, and just downright pathetic.
I have no time for people like that.
Luckily people in my immediate circle are tolerable, otherwise I’d be a complete loner (yes, to all my coworkers and classmates, I have friends and no, many of them are not as weird as I am thank you very much… wait, wut…) But I have this uncanny sensitivity- call it a radar, if you will- for partialism, and sometimes it’s very hard for me to be around people who tend to be of favoritism, partialism, close-mindedness… I used to be so opinionated, so against “Un-Biblical” principles but now all I see are politics in religion, in the media, in social circles… sometimes it’s very hard to associate myself with anyone or anything because that’s all I can see; people trying to look better, smarter, stronger, wiser. It’s like people have this massive drive to constantly one-up someone, dick measure, and point fingers. My whole life I’ve been the person on the outside looking in, observing characters, behaviors, how the world works and what’s making people tick…
I am not saying all of this because I think of myself as “enlightened” necessarily, but I feel I constantly witness certain behaviors and flaws that people don’t acknowledge. Because, when you’re neutral, you see more sides to the coin so to speak. And as I’ve said previously, I do have a very high sense and sensitivity, in particular to partialism. Some would say it’s a “spiritual gift” (Christian friends correct me if I’m wrong, discernment? I dunno…) sometimes it’s a bit of a disappointment, almost curse at times. Because I see so many negative traits in people or events, somehow it directly affects me. I feel pain and sorrow, as well as fury and rage. There’s nothing more aggrivating to me then to see a group of people band together to form a clique, club, or forum/group against one particular person, sect, religion, stereotype, or race. To me it seems all people want to do is bitch, recieve someone’s pity, and/or get money pretty much.
And in the process, people are so quick to judge those they deem “less fortunate” or less “righteous”, or less apt in a skill, albeit social skill or skill in a game, worplace, ect. Especially someone who looks, acts, talks different. I feel like it’s a major flaw in our genetic make-up and very few people realize it and grow out of it. There’s a surprising amount of people who will grow old and die in this century- and probably more at this rate- with their prejudices to different races and their extreme ignorance and intolerance to other cultures and religion.
Personally, I’d hate to have not lived my life without knowing much of what this world has to offer, and familiarizing myself with the different people and their cultures. I’d hate to live a narrow-minded Christian life and not understand other religions because it intimidates me and is “against God”. And I don’t mean believe in everything and do everything or anything, either, because I think we all develop what we believe based off our own personal lives and experiences, and it’s not our job to dictate others’. However, it makes you a better person to reach out, love, understand or at least, listen to what others have to say. Maybe you’ll see more of the world and a little less of yourself. Maybe the world, as a result, will reflect those very actions.
I also noticed depression is a huge issue with people today. I feel it is deep-rooted into our society and a lot of people act on it. However, have you ever noticed depression is at its peak when all you can think about is what you don’t have, what you want, what you lost, what was done to you, how you look, what you want to escape and why you want to escape it. You. You. You. Me. Me. Me. I. Myself… don’t get me wrong, depression is sad and it’s real, and some people have legitimate reasons to be upset. But I’ve seen some of the sadest excuse of human beings, people with literally NOTHING, either they’ve experience a great loss or several, and/or have nothing to offer, nothing to their name… complete, in societal terms, “nobodies” who’ve decided they were going to live their lives happily by helping others, and in turn, become very happy and content as a result of their actions. Does that not turn a light switch on for anyone? Do you realize there are billions of people on this planet, and we can all benefit each other more than money, sex, and material possessions can in tenfold, just.by.being…. NICE? D’oh! Of course not. All the riches in this world cannot equal to love. Not romantic love, but pure, unconditional, nonjudgmental, nondescrimatory love.
So…. get off your high-horse. If you think banning gay marriage is injustice, than you should know the killing of Jews/Christians and banning thereof is also. If you think homosexuality is a sin, then you should know judging and prejudice towards others is also. Let’s be fair and logical here. Drop it, we ALL know what you think, but what does that solve? Nothing. And regardless of your beliefs, what your Bible says, what you’ve delt with, chances are someone else’s is different, therefore, you have no say in what you personally think is right or wrong, if it’s not in the name of love (obviously some universal rules don’t apply to this sentence, i.e murder… yeah, no, don’t murder anyone… that’s…. that’s just no bueno…) The truth is, when it boils down to politics and religion, the truth is, WE DON’T ACTUALLY KNOW. Did God come to you personally and tell you? No. Do what is right according to your life, and stop mocking what other’s are doing in theirs. Show love. Show acceptance, and I’m speaking to every one, not just Christains. And then maybe we’d have less pain, less hatred, less depressed people. I truly, 100% believe that.
I’ve kind of already established myself as the outsider, the wallflower, the “weirdo”, but thank God I did. Ignorance is not always bliss. So glad I can see, and so glad I understand I’m not here for myself, and I’m not chasing that (nonexistant) concept of self-fullfilment in shallow, earthly matters. I have something to offer, and that I can at least in my lifetime, for however long it is, attempt to be loving and unconditional and maybe, some can follow suite.
Religiously “Coming Out”
Okay guys, so a lot of you may have entirely different beliefs. Some of you are atheists, agnostics, baptist/presbyterian/pentecostal/whatever denomination Christians, Catholic/Lutheran/Mormon, or maybe Hindu, Buddhist, Muslim, what have you… whatever… but I am going to tell you some things that have been revealed to me.
I have grown up baptist Christian and have gone to many different denomination churches. I have seen nothing but judgement in nearly every environment. I have seen fire and brimstone theology. I have seen “sin” break people apart in their relationships, because people chose not to associate with someone because of whatever choices they were making.
I have seen people take on the responsibility of professing the “Word” AKA their translation of the Bible. I have seen people follow the Bible more than they follow God. What? Isn’t the Bible God? No. The Bible was God-inspired, meaning the Bible was written down by PEOPLE, translated from a different language, and then translated again and again for different people. We can study the actual manuscripts, the original translation, ect, but we still don’t know. Why? Because we’re not God. It’s still written by people. I think people want God, also heaven and hell so badly the Bible is like physical comfort. The Bible is their crutch, the Bible is their excuse to feel more powerful, more enlightened. However, we don’t need physical comfort to know God is there. I don’t need the Bible to know He’s there. I also know that the Bible can be translated and interpreted in many different ways. Christians debate with other Christians about these things. Over SILLY things, too, like if we can speak in tongues, or… whatever.
I no longer associate as one of these people.
I do not care what denomination you are, or even, dare I say it, what religion you are.
We’re all here. We all are sinners. Who is to say Joe goes to heaven because he believed in a, b, and c and Frank didn’t because he saw the other side of the coin? The Bible? Well let me remind you, it’s written by people, and oh, that can be interpreted many different ways too. The truth is, our paths are all so different, our minds work differently, we find truth differently. Who is to say you’re right, and I’m wrong. Or vice versa. We cannot say for sure who is, and you know what, I think NO ONE is, and no one should be. Not one person has the right to know fully how God works, and I think that is why there are so many beliefs out there. Not because someone sees the truth and the other doesn’t. Who are you to say you are right, and funny I use expletives in this, but who the hell (pun not intended) do you think you are, God? Sigh…. well. It’s comforting to know everything though… ;]
Ask yourself HONESTLY, do you know 100%? No. No one does. We have a belief, an inkling, and/or a faith in something. And quite honestly it differs from person to person. I want to caution the evangelicals before asking someone your list of questions and telling them they’re going to hell if you aren’t God Himself and know for sure. And let me assure you, you don’t. I am not saying I do, either. My point is shining a “light” if you will, on the people who think, believe, and act like they know. Only God knows. A little humbling, isn’t it?
I can’t stomach some of the fire and brimstone theology. And it’s not because of the sin in my life. It’s because I’ve seen it tear people away from God altogether. I love God, I have a deep spiritual connection with who I believe to be God. And it breaks my heart just as much as anyone to see someone walk away from Him. But the reason people do that a lot of the times is not because of their sin, it’s oftentimes because they don’t want to associate with people like you (you meaning, Christians who go out and do your fire and brimstoning).
Why would a God send someone to hell because they called their God by a different name.
Why would God send someone to hell because they had such a troubled, mixed life that they couldn’t decipher truth. They couldn’t understand, and be able to see truth in your theology because of the truths in THEIR life. Let’s be honest, the world is full of so many “truths”, opinions, stories… unless God comes down from the clouds to this person, literally, what to believe if you truly just don’t know for sure? What if the pains and, yes, temptations in their lives speak louder than that that which calls them to God? Is that really their fault?
Also. Do you honestly think that if someone were to die and face God, they would still choose their “sins”? And I’ll be honest, I don’t believe nor do I want to even worship a God who sends someone to eternal punishment if they spent their life misunderstanding God but fall to their knees when they see Him face-to-face, which, in that case, they would. Who wouldn’t bow down to an Almighty being who created everything? That’s unheard of…. also, it seems crazy to me to send that person to hell because they messed up in a world that is so.very.messed up. That “sin” is built in all of us, not saying it’s an excuse to sin, but honestly, God forbid if someone doesn’t recite John 3:16 and go to church everyday and make themselves “Bible experts” *coughchristiannaziscough*.
Just in case anyone cares, I’ve decided to tell you what I believe after MY personal experiences in life, through observing others around me.
My “Christian”” beliefs haven’t changed. I still believe in Jesus Christ, and yes as Savior. That also leads me to believe in the Bible, more generally, and not literally word-for-word, because like I said, things get lost in translation. I only read the Bible when I feel this inkling that I believe is God trying to show me something, and this is how it goes: I just open the Bible on a random page, and something on that page ALWAYS is something I needed to see. Then I close it. And I can pray, fix what I needed to fix, and have that spiritual and PERSONAL connection. The Bible is a spiritual, and yes, very mysterious book. Not solely a book of rules and conduct.
So in that sense, I am definitely a spiritual person. Not religious.
After researching other religions, NDE’s (Near Death Experiences) and have seen the actual struggle people have with the Christian religion as well as it’s people, it has come to me that my upbringing could very well be extremely narrow-minded, just like its people.
I believe everyone gets a chance in that sense. Because if I believe in a God, who is also a personal God, and understand people and their differences, I also have to believe He is a righteous God. Also, understanding Him has been through His love. God is love. He has to be. The world and its people work best with love. People cannot survive without it. A God of love does not want to send his creations to hell, even if they deserve it. if people truly knew this love, they would not choose against it. A lot of times, people may not get to experience or get to acknowledge this love that is from God until they die. And when that time comes, like I said earlier, who would seriously deny that if that were true? There’s good and bad in everyone. And when someone dies, if they go to hell, what about that sliver of good that was in them? Isn’t that such a waste?
In my experience in life, I have come to absolutely despise partiality. I smell it from a mile away. I hate cliques, I hate the act of treating people differently. I cannot, and will not, stand for a God who is partial to these people who claim to be Christians who parade around self-righteously. It’s almost disgusting. Jesus was, from what we can gather from him scripturally and historically, not that way at all. His friends today would be the Muslims, the prostitutes, the gays, ect, everyone basically that are “sinners” in the Christians (i.e as I see it, “the Pharisees”) eyes. Jesus is kind of the rooter for the underdog guy, in fact he is kind of the underdog himself. I kind of see the people who fall outside the Christian mold as underdogs. Now, I am not taking the Muslim, gay or prostitutes sides per se, but, I am not saying they’re wrong either. I could be wrong. You can be wrong. They could be wrong. So in the end. Who cares who’s right. God’s knows, He’s got it under control, that’s all we need to know. The end.
I think in the end, speaking of, God just wants us to love Him and love others. If we did that, those other details are so nit-picky, I can’t imagine in all the different circumstances for each individual person, he’d be so prejudiced about.
I think that’s the end of this rant. For real.
Okay…. so let’s try this again…
new video! Fabz hair tips, lightsabers, and cats…
I am sure you’re curious now….
… Really? (Warning, contains religion and blasphemy!!)
I know people who think it’s cool to Facebook fight other “nonbelievers” and thrust their dick measuring in the name of Jesus!
C’mon guys. No wonder people think Christians are complete d-bags. Come to think of it, sometimes a lot are… for this reason…
Don’t get me wrong, I am, how you say, a “believer”, but using the name “Christian” honestly makes me cringe a little and I want to wash my mouth out. That reason being for the simple fact that the terminology, “knowing the Bible” and having faith is oftentimes all in the name of holiness and status among people who call themselves a Christian. I honestly feel like Christianity is so tainted, and unfortunately by some people I witness doing those things on a daily basis. Sorry guys. But I don’t think we’d see Jesus on Facebook going, “U mad bro? U going to hell bro? Faggot!”
I mean… REALLY??
I’ve seen these acts pull people AWAY from faith then bring them in. People proclaim themselves as “saints” or “prophetic” because they’ve come from point B to point A, and suddenly they’ve “seen the light”, and want to tell you how much you haven’t.
I wish I can say that I’ve come a long way and that I have the secret to why we should have a type of faith as opposed to none. Honestly, I don’t. I’ve never been “in darkness” so when I found “the light” I can “witness” it to others. Hey, some people have though, and I won’t discredit them. Some people have amazing stories. But mine? Kind of boring. I have always been innately in tune with spirituality, and even before I was able to understand “who Jesus was”. I am how you say, sensitive spiritually; I just put two and two together and have a faith there’s a God and there was a Jesus Christ based off this sensitivity and other occurrences in my life. But that’s my business and I can’t convince people how that should be theirs. I feel people figure these things out on their own (if they’re open and willing) and in different points in their lives… and the way how they do is ALWAYS different and unique from the other. Who am I to say how you’re supposed to find “your own way”?
That’s why there’s so much dissension when it comes to religion. I think people see certain truths and fill in the blanks where they see fit. That’s why, in the end, after my own research on different religions, life after death/NDEs, and studying those around me…. Christianity is not “the only way”. All religions are wrong in some shape or form. There’s a lot of Biblical truths, and the Bible is very historically accurate, but then we try to interpret things. We can’t KNOW everything and then tell each other “how it is”. Humans don’t have the capacity to understand the whole picture of what really awaits us after we die. All that matters is, I think, that there’s some creative design in this world, and there’s definitely a supernatural occurrence beyond our world too. Call it God, Allah, Buddha, whatever floats your boat… they’re all the same in the end (literally). “Creator” or “high-being”… whether you believe in it or not, I can’t prove it to you, and you definitely cannot disprove it to me. It’s one of those things that people have to experience on their own, and that time is personal, individual, and relative to the person.
I think that’s what people often forget; we all find our own paths through our own experiences. The Bible gives a great guide on how to live life if one wants to live righteously, but in the end we’re all people and we’re going to make mistakes, we are going to be led astray, and we might forget the more important things in life, and, well, what happens after. If you ask me, when we die, I don’t think the Mormons, the Buddhists or Muslims go to hell. Religion is just a way for people to categorize their particular beliefs in an earthly, human fashion, and I can’t fathom God “sending people to hell” because they did believe in a higher being, but called him Allah instead. I personally would not want to worship that god if that’s true.
That’s where I think Christians go wrong. They think it’s THEIR job to judge other people based off their life, and “tell” them how to live. I think they forget which “god” they’re actually serving (i.e themselves). Take yourself off God’s throne and if there’s a God, let HIM do the work… we’re only meant to show through example by living a certain lifestyle and still… what was that word, oh yeah…. LOVING others while at it. The world works so much better when people decide to act on those four words, regardless of what they believe.
Anyway. There’s my rant….
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